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Great Fortitude: Managing Expectations and Practicing Self Care



Warhammer Underworlds is a competitive game. GW tell us that at every opportunity; and by-and-large that’s a good thing. Competitive games are good. Tournaments are fun; but it does have the unfortunate effect of creating a winner-takes-all mentality, that can be hurtful to players, and to the game alike.  So, what do we do when the results don’t go as planned? 

Managing expectations


Spectacularly bad advice

There is one glass trophy on offer per tournament (now with fancy Masters code!). We implicitly understand that, if there’s 15 people at the tournament, most of them will be going home in varying shades of disappointment. Disappointment is a crappy emotion at the best of times, but when it is married with a competitive environment, where the W is largely all that matters, it can be hard to get over.
We’ll talk about how you can manage the disappointment later, but for now, let’s talk about laying the groundwork to have realistic, helpful expectations.  Given that we know that only one player can win, what can the rest of the people do to feel good?
Firstly, and foremost, are you playing a contender? Ie, a deck that you know works well against other contenders. Have you tested the main-matchups, or at minimum, have you thought about how you can come out ahead in certain likely scenarios? 

If not, then perhaps you shouldn’t consider it likely that you’ll be challenging for the glass. If so, ensure that you’ve put in the reps to avoid disappointment at the final hurdle.

Taking part in tournaments can and should be fun for all people, especially if you’re up against people who you don’t play with regularly. Just playing “because fun” is an entirely appropriate goal. This might effect your deck/warband choices too. If you’re only wanting to have 3,4,5 enjoyable games versus new people, perhaps you should take a warband that you know won’t frustrate you, and will smoothly purr along, giving everyone a good, tight game. In these cases, winning more than you lost is an entirely reasonable expectation.

Maybe you’ve got a new a warband, and you’re not sure how it will go (looking at you, Wurmspat), and you just want to play some games. That’s fine. Be upfront with yourself. Being pummeled hurts less if you’re willing to acknowledge that it could happen.

Maybe you’re a newer player, or one who is keen to improve, and mostly want to get exposure to tournament play. Tournaments can be a great way to learn how to sharpen your game or see how other players go about it. If that’s the case, then the goal was only to observe, and it shouldn’t matter what happens as far as the scoreline goes.

In the end, only you can know what your expectations are, but I would strongly recommend writing these down beforehand, and actively challenging them:

“Okay, so I said I only want to have fun with my deck, well, what’s
Rebound doing in there? Could that be a clue that I actually do want to have a red-hot go?”

 or 

“I’ve cited winning glass as my goal. Perhaps I should leave the Godsworn at home this time” 

or 

“I just want to have fun, but I’m using an unpainted warband – this time I feel like I should take my really well-painted Mournflight!”

*** UPDATE****

Goal Setting

Fellow Aussie Vincent Michael (hope to see you at the Melbourne Grand Clash, Vincent!) sent me this, which I feel takes what I'm trying to say and turns it to Eleven:

"Really loved the article - and seems very apt given recent things I’m seeing/hearing. I must admit I’m guilty of this sometimes, and it’s good to have a refresher. My only comment would be it would be nice to see a list of good goals you can set that are achievable/realistic (win one game, identify a card you want to remove, identify a card you want to add, meet new people etc) and stretch goals perhaps over a time period rather than one event(finish top four/glass, win painting etc).

These should be achievable (in your control):

  • Field fully painted warband;
  • X practice games before the event,
  • list 2-3 objectives and 3-6 power cards you thought might work in your deck but didn’t include (reflect each game whether these would work better).
Goals can be short or long term too:


Short term goals (likely goals during the event):

  • Win at least 1 game,
  • Connect with at least one new person who you can play/share ideas with,
  • Try to get 1 piece of constructive advice from your opponents (Try to give one too! - Rowan),

Stretch goals (difficult goals, best set over a time period/number of events to make more realistic):

  • Place top 4,
  • Win glass,
  • Win best painted,
  • Win best sport (if applicable)


These are all fantastic suggestions. I really like the idea of stretch goals, even if my wallet got traumatic Kickstarter flashbacks!

In particular, I love those ideas that relate to your ongoing Underworlds journey in a way that acknowledge that Rome wasn't built in a day - if you're consistently in the middle of the pack, maybe a top 4  finish could be attainable in the short term, while you refine your play (or gain experience with your deck) until you're able to have a tilt at the Glass.

Sometimes a goal could be deck-related too: Maybe there's an awesome combo* you'd like to have go off at least once in the tournament, whether that's scoring Team Effort in Round One with Gitz (It can be done!), scoring Coveted Spoils with only your own fighters, or something else equally cool.

*Perhaps killing something with Finishing Blow?

So thanks for that Vincent for some really great suggestions. Goals like these are constructive ways to feel like you achieved success, even when you didn't come away with the glass or the acrylic tokens.

And now to pivot entirely, from ensuring you feel a sense of success, to a largely implicit behaviour that might effectively end up doing the opposite...

SELF HANDICAPPING

I did want to take a quite sidebar before we go any further to briefly talk about Self-Handicapping.
Self-Handicapping is a psychological phenomenon observed when people are so invested in protecting their self-esteem, that they deliberately sabotage their own chances of winning, to avoid negative emotion by creating a scenario where something other than their competence can be blamed for defeat.
By way of example, in my younger days, I used to play Lacrosse, and I can still remember an incident in fairly important game. In it, our Centre, who had starred for us all season, came up against another Centre who was nearly as good.  Our guy got smashed. He was playing completely different to how he had played all year, and when our coach questioned him at half-time, he just shrugged and said he ‘was trying some new stuff out’.  Classic Self-Handicapping. He was concerned (perhaps implicitly) that he could lose, and so (perhaps reflexively) chose to stack the deck against himself.

Most people are guilty of SH in some facet of their lives:
-        People who are lonely avoid parties because they don’t want to be seen to be lonely, so they stay at home and watch Netflix.
-        People who hate their job don’t go for promotions for fear of being rejected, and potentially ‘confirming’ they’re no good.
-        People who don’t think they’re good at a thing, don’t practice the thing, and thus don’t get any better
Insofar as Underworlds is concerned, Self-Handicapping can manifest as:
-        “Going in cold” with an unprepared deck.
-        Rejecting meta cards ‘on principle’ because they’re too good or too easy
-        “Net-decking”. Yes. Net-decking is Self-Handicapping behaviour. Usually Net-decking is done in lieu of practice, and with a game as nuanced as Underworlds, that just doesn’t fly.
-        Playing Ironjaws
-        Using the same warband every time because you’re writing a blog about them.


On the one hand, SH is very effective. On the other hand, it can easily turn into a vicious cycle, where even previously enjoyed behaviours are shunned.  Apart from very short, deliberate ‘palate cleansing’ (more on that later) Self-Handicapping should be avoided. It can quickly lead to players losing passion in the game or becoming a bad sport.

Be willing to step up and challenge yourself when you think you might be self-handicapping, and actively challenge those behaviours when you see them in others, because frankly, the maths doesn’t stack up -  Trading possibly large disappointment for certain small disappointment isn’t a good plan. Especially because….





There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed.





I won't mention Keep Them Guessing, I won't mention Keep Them Guessing, I won't mention Keep Them Guessing. I-- 

As a cohort of predominantly male players, this needs to be said loudly and clearly: There are no such thing as bad feelings, and it's impossible to avoid feelings. We need feelings. We can’t function socially without them.  Feelings such as disappointment, anger and sadness are all useful emotions.  Those emotions are motivating. They make us want to change things, and they all tell us that something is important to us.

Unless you’re into yachting, the outcome of The Americas Cup won’t bother you. Unless shares are your thing, the quarterly profits of Microsoft probably won’t cause you to feel sad. It’s something of a reality in life that at certain times we won’t know what to do with ourselves, and in those times, it can be really useful to reflect on those things that evoke strong emotions.  When we’re asked, ‘what’s your passion?’, sometimes we can be stumped because we only think of those things that make us happy. 

But some of the most passionate people are very rarely happy about their passion. I work in Homelessness Services, and am incredibly passionate about social justice, access to affordable housing, and combating the evils of Neo-Liberalism. I have very few wins; Very few times when I’m happy about the situation, but I’m always up for the fight because I know it’s a fight eminently worth fighting, and always will be. 

Across societies whose heritage is predominantly Anglo-European, emotions such as disappointment, anger and sadness are heavily sanitized. We’re told those emotions are ‘negative’ or ‘bad’. Now, no feeling is inherently bad, but some of them have bad behaviours associated. Being angry that you were overlooked for a promotion isn’t bad. Taking a poo on your boss’ desk is. Being ashamed that you were the butt of a person’s joke isn’t bad, but punching that person is.  Because we’re told by society that feelings can be bad, we learn very quickly to avoid feeling those feelings at all, so we don’t learn (or model for children and peers) how to deal with those feelings in a sensitive and positive manner.

In some ways, we’re lucky as gamers, as expressing disappointment or frustration at dice is pretty normalised, but the disappointment that comes after the game is finished is a different matter. So, what do we do about it?

Well, firstly, we should make an effort to support one another, in a way that is helpful.

Don’t Say “Don’t feel bad, you played really well” (They’ll tell themselves they didn’t)
Do Say “I feel really bad for you, I can see what you were trying to do, and you probably would have got me if not for X” (That’s probably true)

Don’t Say “Your dice were bad” (That might be true, but chances are they’ll fixate on that)
Do Try to find a situation where they did something unexpected or novel, tell them that took you by surprise, and could have swung the game.  Obviously, don’t be insincere about it, but try above all to give them a constructive, concrete example of a success they had in the game.

True heroes might say at this point: “I feel like things didn’t happen for you there, but your deck is really interesting. Do you have time for another game afterwards?”

If an opponent appears angry or upset:

Don’t Say “Calm down, it’s just a game” (Never, in the entire history of human existence has anyone ever calmed down after being told to ‘calm down’)  
Do Say “Things don’t seem to be going your way right now. I’ve been there myself. Do you need to take a break?”   


Self Care


If this meme were any more wholesome it would found a charitable foundation that aimed to help orphaned puppies start their own charitable foundation 


Being there for others is important, and is the mark of a truly mature and caring community, but you also have to be willing to look after yourself. I say this all the time in my professional life, but the reality is that humans are instinctively terrible at managing mental health. The reason being is that our default self-protective behaviours (eg, sleep, limit exertion, isolate ourselves from peers– eg, the classic doona day) while really good at managing physical malady such as sickness or injury, are spectacularly ineffective at assisting with mental health, and in most cases do more harm than good.

Sulking won’t make you feel better. So, find some more constructive things to do.

Venting on Facebook can work, but you have to do it right.
Don’t:   Complain that X is broken, Y needs to be restricted, and Z is an example that the Devs just don’t care.
Do: Talk about how you feel, ask others how they got over losing the final table to Rebound, or how people respond to being smashed 17-5. Start a “What’s your worst place/loss” thread. Catharsis is a real thing.  

Get your hobby on.
If you’re prone to sulking or ruminating on defeat, doing something that requires keen attention can be helpful – It’s surprisingly difficult to agonise over choosing the wrong upgrade while you’re trying to paint eyes. Fortunately, Underworlds isn’t just a competitive experience, but a hobby one too. If you know that you’re the to dwell on stuff-ups, schedule some painting in the near future.  

Get off your arse
Behavioural Activation is fancy talk for doing enjoyable, mildly effortful, and preferably social activities. Walk the dog or to a local café. Sit in the sun. Go to a local park or nature reserve. Remove your shoes and walk on the grass or the beach. Find ways to demonstrate ‘it’s just a game’ to your body, rather than your mind.

Finally, when you’re ready…

Do better next time


At some point, you’ll be willing to get back on the horse, and when that happens, it’s a good opportunity to reset your expectations. Maybe you feel the burn of competition a bit more keenly now? Perhaps it’s worth finding a more meta deck or warband that sits in your chosen playing style.
Perhaps it went the other way, and you’ve previously over-invested emotionally. As a one-time thing, Self-Handicap a little. Try something new. Play the warband you’ve always wanted to try but never thought were good enough.

Maybe, if you’re keen to be a better or more complete, player, you’ll try to forensically examine what went wrong, and in that case, my article on Dice Positivity might help those reflections.

Underworlds is a great game, full of highs and lows, good luck and bad. It can be worth reflecting though, that whatever experience you’re having, you opponent is probably having the reverse, and be conscious of that.  If you’re winning, make sure that you’re gracious, and take a bit of time to support your opponent through their disappointment if they appear to need it. If you’re losing, try to find some enjoyment in your opponent’s success, or if that’s challenging, try to find small wins. Either way, win or lose, it can be helpful to mentally compare your performance with your stated expectations, and above all, be kind to yourself and others.

Thanks,  and for this article, even more than usual, I’d really love to hear some feedback - was this off the mark? Did I miss a strategy? What do you do when things go badly?

Rowan.



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